Guess who’s back, back again, Josh is back, tell a friend, guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back… That’s right baby! The Ayatollah of Troll-la-rolla is BACK! I’m sure you’re asking where did I go? Well I’ve been doing my own thing on my own site Clash of the Nerds and doing a lot of filming for my YouTube channel. I’m also sure you’re asking why am I back? Because of that fucktwad Lavar Ball.
Now as many of you remember, and I’ll remind you newbies, I’m not a big fan of baskeball, I just don’t care, mostly because I think with all of the flopping going down in the league they’re just one step above sissy ass soccer players, so I don’t particularly care too much about the sport or those involved in it, but Lavar Ball has pulled me back in and made me pay (at least) a little attention to March Madness.
For those of you who don’t know who Lavar Ball is, first off congratulations, I envy you, and secondly he’s a washed up football and basketball player who is the father of UCLA player Lonzo (what a fucking dumb name) Ball, he also has two other fucktard sons in high school, but I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s move onto the list!
- He makes me hate his kids: I try not to place the sins on the father on the sons but fuck I have never wanted to see a group of kids fail faster than I want to the Ball boys (hopefully that’s their highest achievement in sports) fail so fast. Ball’s constant and unabashed praise of his sons make me want to see a Kevin Ware incident happen to them so quickly. That sounds harsh, but if that kind of comment surprises you then obviously you haven’t read my other articles. I don’t know much about Lonzo, other than his dip shit father said he’s better than Steph Curry and Magic Johnson which I’m going to say right not is probably not true. He said of his son, that if this college athlete was on the Warriors right now he could do more for them than Steph could for UCLA, and that his son if drafted by the Lakers would turn them around faster than Magic did and his son is Magic with a jump shot. Then of his other two sons whose high school team just recently lost in the state championships said it was because their coach didn’t listen to him. What was his advice, give the ball to his sons more. Well if you haven’t seen the stat sheet from that game his boys shot a lot, in fact combined they went 17 for 65, that’s 26%, you’re not going to win too many games shooting like that.
- He’s a Dumbass: Everything this man says is putrid shit. Sure I say a lot of dumb shit but I’m a comedian (you can weigh in on whether I’m funny or not but your opinion means nothing to me) so I’m allowed to talk shit because most of the time I’m not serious. The first thing he ever said was that his sons were going to have a billion dollar shoe deal, not that is some eye rolling shit and it also makes me wonder if Ball can count or can even fathom a billion dollars. Just to break it down, a billion is one thousand times a million, that still doesn’t do the number justice and when you look at current NBA shoe deals the highest is still Jordan with an estimated $90-100 million dollars a year, meaning it takes Jordan about 10 years just to earn a billion off of shoes, and both Steph Curry and Kevin Durrant are number 2 and 3 respectively with estimations around $30 million a year. So basically for the Ball Boys to earn a billion dollar shoe deal they’d each have to take in around $333 million each for the deal, meaning they’d triple Jordan’s deal. Jordan, the greatest player ever… and speaking of His Air-ness…
- Levar Thinks he can beat Jordan one on one: Seriously? Fucking Seriously? “Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha” “Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!”
- Made Me Take Steven A. Smith’s Side: This might be the biggest sin of them all, making me side with ESPN blowhard Steven A. Smith. ESPN is currently the cesspool of sports entertainment, it’s just a punch of loud mouth talking heads who spout off controversial things to get morons like you tweeting about it, which is why Ball fits in well on the network. Recently he was on First Take with Max Kellerman (who I used to respect) and Steven A. Smith, along with some dumb bitch who knows dick about sports (probably knows a lot about the producer’s dick though) and it just there to host and be eye candy. Side note, have noticed the parade of bimbos hosting ESPN shows now with the negative knowledge of sports, something to think about. Anyways, Ball was recently a guest on the show to which bimbo McBimslut said “Finally you’re on our show”. Granted my podcast should use the bump in clicks but I’d never want this ass-clown on my show. Anyways, Max took Lavar’s side (which is why I have zero respect for him now), but Smith called him on his bullshit and when I have to take Smith’s side it drives me in fucking sane!
5. It’s All About Him: The worst thing about this idiot is that he’s using his son’s to push his own fame. He talks about his sons but he keeps saying “we” as if he’s playing ball. No, he’s not, his sons are and honestly I think he’s hurting Lonzo’s draft stock. Seriously, if you’re a GM or a coach do you want to deal with this headache of a father and if you’re a college coach (I know they only care about winning) you have to think if these ball hogging Ball Boys good enough to deal with this dad? My answer is no. I think everytime LaVar opens his mouth he hurts Lonzo’s draft stock, and if his younger boys’ stats from their State Championship game is concerned they’re not good enough to put up with this dad at every game. This guys is such a dick head and what every coach fears when a new Little League or AAU season starts.
So there you have it, the five reasons why I hate this fucking ass clown LaVar Ball. Do you agree (you should), do you disagree (if you do you’re fucking retarded), let me know in the comments below. Also checkout my other site HERE and my YouTube channel HERE, and follow me on Twitter @jomac006 if you fancy!