Why I Hate The NBA Preseason
The NBA preseason is upon us dear reader, wait, what, you didn’t know, well neither did I until my editor said something to be about it today. So you know my feelings about the NBA so lets get this bitch started! So in the words of former MSNBC and ESPN host (and probably future former goingfor2 writer) Keith Olbermann, “Don’t take this completely seriously, I don’t mean this literally,” but here is why I Hate The NBA Preseason.
No One Knows It Exists: Seriously there is a preseason? Why? Football and Hockey preseasons make sense. Those athletes get hit a lot and it’s something you need to get you body used to and you need to do it a little bit at a time to get your body regulated to a season of taking a beating. NBA players just run a lot, do you need a preseason for that? Maybe it’s to practice flopping, looking at you LeBron. While I’m at it, what the fuck is the summer league? Seriously, what is it? I see it on ESPN while I’m at the gym. It looks like a high school scrimmage or a YMCA Men’s League. Are millionaire athletes really competing in this bullshit? Do they ever get time off? You know except for the Knicks, they seem to vacation throughout the season.
The NFL: Sorry NBA no one gives a shit about you while the NFL is still on, with the exception of Christmas Day and that’s only because the NFL isn’t on that day, but you still get beat by “A Christmas Story” and “It’s A Wonderful Life”. Congratulations on getting the shit kicked out of you by two movies that every human has seen thousands of times. You suck NBA.
Injuries: How the fuck do you get hurt in a game that discourages the slightest bit of contact in a game that don’t even matter? I don’t fucking know but ask Derrick Rose. Next to Men’s Soccer, the NBA has the softest athletes in the world, why would you play games that don’t matter and risk these fragile prima donnas health. Shit, back in the day no one got hurt in the NBA, in the 80’s it was the fucking wild west. Now players hurt their toes and shins and pinkies and are out half the season. Ronnie Lott cut his own fucking finger off so he could play the second half of a game once, and J.P.P nearly blew his fucking hand off this summer and is fighting with the Giants so he can play. NBA player, “I’ve got an ingrown toenail, I’ve got to sit out tonight.”
No One Shows Up: The NFL makes money from preseason, so does the NHL (surprisingly), and the MLB makes a killing off of Spring Training (because TRADITION!) but there is no one at NBA preseason games, there is no way they aren’t losing money. Just for the lights and paying stadium employees they’ve got to be losing money here. NBA players might get paid for these games (NFL players don’t) but I fly high and loose here and there is no time for research, so if these players are getting paid then the owners are truly fucked, not that I don’t mind, every owner in ever sport is a crook.
No Camp Battles: Pretty much after the draft and free agency we’re all pretty sure what each teams starting line-up will be and 90% sure what each roster is going to be. There are no preseason or camp Cinderellas like in the NFL. One of the coolest things about the NFL preseason is seeing guys you’ve never fucking heard of make a name for themselves. It doesn’t happen every year, but it happens, that’s never fucking happened in the NBA and never will.
The Games are UGLY: Wow are NBA preseason games ugly, mostly because there are no roster battles and the starters don’t give a shit and just don’t want to get hurt (yet still Derrick Rose somehow figured out how to), all of this is a recipe for shit games. That is unless your Steph Curry and you’re like, fuck that, I’m going to entertain all three people in the stands.
So there you have it, the reasons Why I Hate The NBA Preseason, you can disagree with me all you want but I want you to know that you’re wrong and I hate you. However, if you’d like to know more about me, and why wouldn’t you, you can follow me on the Twitter @jomac006 or learn about my awesome writing career here , pick up my books at Amazon, check out my nerdy website Clash of the Nerds, and lastly if you’re a fine lady you should swipe right on Tinder.
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