CFB: An Open Letter to Kansas Football

Dear Kansas football,

              I am sorry that your past six head coaches did not work out. Hiring a coach is really hard. You have to do a lot of work before hiring, and ain’t nobody got time for that. Who wants to investigate into a person’s background and see if any personality traits exist that might deter them from being a good head coach? Who knew that Mark Mangino had so many “controversies” that involved excessive language and demeaning approach to players? Who knew that Les Miles was issued a letter of reprimand by a previous employer and was forbidden to have one on one interaction with female students? They should put these things on the internet or something.

Hiring bad coaches does not apply just to your school. I mean look at Cincinnati, Arkansas State and Georgia Southern from the group of five. Cincinnati, Arkansas State and Georgia Southern have all hired at least one bad coach in the past ten years.

I completely understand how hard it is to recruit football players that are not in your backyard. I mean you have to drive around a really flat state with nothing to look at. The weather changes every fifteen min, you get ice instead of snow, the wind blows consistently. I can see where it is really difficult to build a program; it’s not like Kansas basketball is any good.

It’s ok though. I have a solution. I would like to formally offer you my services as your next football coach.

In my previous stop as head coach at Memphis; I have won 82 straight games and five out of the last six championships. -in NCAA 14 on XBOX 360

Also, I game plan extremely well as evident by my last season’s victory in fantasy football. I should add that my starting quarterback and running back both suffered season-ending injuries (Dak Prescott and Saquon Barkley respectively).

I recently did a mock draft podcast, so you can consider me an expert in evaluating talent. They don’t let just anyone do those you know.

My professional qualifications are listening to college football podcasts pretty religiously. I occasionally dabble in writing about the sport. I have bought and read a few books about the sport as well.

With my last thought, I leave you with this. If you’re going 20-108 with legit Head Coaches. Why not go in another direction and hire me? What’s the worst that could happen? You go winless in a season? It’s not like that has ever happened before.

Sincerely,

Tom

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