Look What You Made Me Do: NFL Players and Their Taylor Swift Songs

Since Taylor Swift is on tour, I’ve been listening to many of her songs. While I was listening, I started thinking about how a few lines in this song sound like a player’s current situation, and then the next song came on and I thought the same thing about a different player, and so on and so on. This is a (hopefully) delightful way for me to talk about some players I want to discuss, while also reminding everyone that Taylor Swift has more bangers than the NFL has had Super Bowls.

Song – Eyes Open

Player(s) – Travis Kelce, Kansas City Chiefs Tight End

“Everybody’s waiting for you to break down”

Travis Kelce is getting older, can he still produce at the same level? This has been a part of the discourse surrounding Kelce for years now. He puts up massive, heroic, Norse-God-level stats and then at the beginning of redraft season, I have to hear the same people talk about how they are out on Kelce because at some point, the wheels are going to fall off and they don’t want to be on the train when they do. Well call me David Dunn, because if the train crashes, I’ll brush the dirt off of my shoulders and walk away without a scratch on me, thanking Kelce for years of winning me weeks.

Fantasy Football is nothing but paying money so you can do nothing but worry for three months straight: worried that you made the right choice at QB, worried that you made a good trade, worried that your opponent’s kicker (if you play with kickers) won’t kick four fifty-yard field goals and beat you by one.

Now we all know that tight ends are a pain in the butt (except in Tight End Premium Leagues, of course). Unless you have Travis Kelce, who, just last year at the age of 33, put up 110 catches, 1338 yards, and 12 touchdowns. If you have Kelce, there are no worries. So I’d rather continue confidently drafting Kelce in the first or second round instead of throwing darts in the later rounds and praying for 4 catches for 50 yards or just one touchdown. The joke’s on me, I guess.

Song: Wildest Dreams

Player(s): Jimmy Garoppollo, Las Vegas Raiders QB

“He’s so tall and handsome as hell/He’s so bad, but he does it so well”

This was an easy one. I understand that’s not exactly what Taylor Swift was saying, but I think my interpretation works very well for Jimmy G. You see, Jimmy G isn’t good (no disrespect). He was just about as perfect of Kyle Shanahan quarterback as possible. The 49er’s head coach just needed someone who was going to get the ball to his superstar weapons and not turn the ball over. Competent, is the word I’m looking for. That’s Jimmy G. He’s competent. He is going to get the ball to his superstar weapons and they are going to do all of the work and make him look better than he is (which is impossible, obviously).

Now Jimmy G is with the Raiders, surrounded again by talent. Josh Jacobs will be lined up behind him. Davante Adams will be his first option. Jacobi Meyers will be his second. Jacobs will be his safety valve. I expect him to produce the adequate numbers that Derek Carr was putting up. Don’t expect him to have week-winning weeks, but he’s surrounded by too much talent to lose you one.

Song: Welcome to New York

Player(s): Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers QB?/In Limbo

“Welcome to New York”

I picture this song playing when the Jets-Packers trade finally happens and Jets fans start a flash mob. There’s not much to say about this one, however. We know Rodgers isn’t washed and now he’s surrounded by so much young talent that was already there and he brought all of the old talent with him. I’m sorry, I mean “experience” not old talent.

Look, this one is simple: Veteran, future HOF quarterback gets the ball to Offensive Player of the Year Garret Wilson, or Friend-of-Aaron Rodgers Allen Lazard, or he hands the ball off to Love-of-My-Life Breece Hall and we all clap and watch Breece be better than everyone else. Then the Jets’ defense (also filled with studs) stops the other team and soon the Jets are on their way to making a deep run in the playoffs. Rodgers’s stock goes up in my mind, as well as every one of his options in New York.

Song: I Knew You Were Trouble

Player(s): Deandre Swift/David Montgomery, Detroit Lions RBs

“I knew you were trouble when you walked in”

To me, Deandre Swift has been one of the most aggravating players in fantasy football since he came to the league. He’s got so much damn talent. He passes the eye test. He’s so good. But there’s always something stopping him from reaching his ceiling. Injuries are now a major concern for him. It seems like he can never stay healthy (100% healthy) for most of the season. And last year, he was splitting time with Jamaal “First Swagkazekage Leader of the Hidden Village of the Den” Williams.

Jamaal Williams was traded to the New Orleans Saints during the Free Agency Frenzy a few weeks ago and while I was saddened to watch that wonderful presence leave the Lions, I got excited because Deandre Swift was alone in the backfield. I knew they would sign another running back (I’m not that ignorant), but I had hoped 2023 could be Swift’s bonafide breakout year.

And then the Lions decided to trade for David Montgomery: a very solid running back from the Chicago Bears. I understood then that Swift could still have a good fantasy year overall (barring injuries), but until he gets a backfield to himself (meaning a split of something like 80% of the carries) I think Swift will continue to frustrate me and everyone else who sees how much potential that the kid has.

Song: Shake It Off

Player(s): Justin Jefferson, A.J Brown, Chris Godwin, Jaylen Waddle, Ceedee Lamb,

“Can’t stop, won’t stop moving”

Do you know what’s pretty depressing to watch? A receiver catching a pass and getting immediately tackled. You know what’s pretty exciting to watch? A receiver who can catch a pass, shake one or two defenders off, and get ten or twenty extra yards on what should have really been a five-yard catch. The best receivers in the game are the ones that can get those extra yards. The players that I listed above are some of the top pass-catchers in the league. And, guess what? They are all at the top of the list of YAC (yards after the catch).

https://www.philadelphiaeagles.com/video/highlight-aj-brown-perfect-slant-route-creates-22-yard-gain

I like to look for guys who can wriggle away from a defender’s grasp…or flat-out truck the safety to get six extra yards. Obviously, Jefferson, Davante Adams, and Ceedee Lamb can’t all be on your team, but Chris Godwin hangs out in the middle rounds all of the time. He had 531 yards after contact last year. Another guy in that tier is Devonta Smith, who had 476 yards after contact.

A couple of tight ends stand out here, as well. Evan Engram (previously on my GET OVER IT list, but no longer) had nearly 500 yards after contact. Dallas Goedert had over 400. These are the guys that I want to target. They don’t just fall down on an eight-yard catch. They can turn 1.8 points into 2.8, which isn’t a lot, but I don’t need to explain to anybody that has lost by less than a point how important every yard matters. (FYI, Travis Kelce led nearly every single player in YAC, with 657. Just saying.)

The top running backs in the league, Austin Eckler and Christian McCaffrey, are both at the top of this list because of their ability and opportunity to catch and run. Funny enough, Jerrick McKinnon was also very high on the list, which explains why he was so dominant during the latter half of the season.

(Future superstar Bijan Robison is so good at this, as well. For more on him, go check out GoingFor2’s profile on him here)

Song: Blank Space

Player(s): The New York Giants Brand New Receiving Core

“It’ll leave you breathless, mmm/Or with a nasty scar”

The Giants over the past few years have been kind of the punching bag of the NFL. Under several terrible head coaches, the Giants’ offense has been absolutely putrid. Enter Brain Daboll. A competent head coach who turns the laughing stock of the league into everyone’s favorite underdog team. They were the Moneyball team: scrappy, play hard for the whole game, and doesn’t make mistakes. They made the playoffs despite having receivers starting at the back half of the year that not very many people even knew existed.

But during the offseason, the Giants (who could still be playing under the Moneyball umbrella, not sure yet), decided to sign a few recognizable names for Daniel Jones to throw it to. And, luckily for everyone (not sarcasm), they resigned Isiah Hodgins, who is really good. They traded for Raiders Tight End, Darren Waller. They signed free agent Parris Campbell. They resigned Sterling Shepard. And they signed Jamison Crowder. As they signed and traded for these players, who are all talented and could very well help this offense take a step forward, I noticed a strange theme with all of them. Every one of these players is very well known for being injury prone.

Waller was in and out of the Raiders lineup last year until he strained his thigh/hamstring and was put on IR. The season before that he missed a few games here and there.

Parris Campbell, in 2019, missed most of the season with three different injuries. In 2020, he suffered an MCL injury and missed the entire season. Last year with the Colts was his least-injured year, and I thought he looked pretty good when that offense (speaking of putrid) got him the ball.

Sterling Shepard, I’m sure is just a prank that the Giants are playing on the world. I don’t think I’ve seen him on the field for more than three straight games. Or it’s a name that someone uses to launder money through the teams or something. The man plays like four games, at most, in a season.

Jamison Crowder has had this lingering Calf Strain injury that has followed him for years at this point. Not to mention groin injuries. You get the point.

I just picture these pass catchers like the part in Space Jam when the Monstars have hurt every single player on the TuneSquad team and we are shown all of the Looney Tunes characters on the bench with casts on different parts of their bodies.

I look forward to watching this offense in 2023, but I don’t see how any of these players stay on the field for a significant stretch. If they can, however, I do think this offense looks a lot better.

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