NFL Zombie Survival Rankings: Which QB Lives?

There’s been a lot of talk lately about the zombie apocalypse. It’s a bit extreme but if one day the world collapsed and we were all prisoners to walkers a very good question to ask yourself is who you’d prefer to be stuck with in order to survive.

Well, let’s answer that question but with quarterbacks. The only catch is that the people on this list have to have at least one start during the 2019 NFL season. Let’s get this survival of the fittest party started.

Bottom Five

While this list is about who’s ideal to be stuck with we have to talk about the quarterbacks that will get you eaten alive.

Philip Rivers: Rivers is slow and likes to talk….a lot. He’s the kind of guy that thinks he can fight an entire hoard with his bare hands and come out on top. Spoiler alert: he can’t. He’s going to learn the hard way so there’s no need to stick around. Leave him.

Baker Mayfield: Baker is in the same class as Rivers but not as severe. Baker’s competitiveness will keep you alive but his mouth will keep you two alone. If you find a group that will offer protection best believe Baker will talk so much trash that they’ll kick you out in a week. Good luck.

Lamar Jackson: Lamar seems like a great guy but he’s reaaalllllyyy fast. If it’s between you and him then just get it over with. He’s already 200 yards in front of you.

Josh Allen: I don’t know Josh Allen at all but he looks like the guy that would push you into a zombie to save himself. Change my mind.

Jameis Winston: If “man these zombies don’t want none” were a person it’d be Jameis. I have credible sources that say the zombies do indeed want some and will get it, too.

Top Ten

10. Duck Hodges: If a man nicknamed Duck can’t survive then you’re just meant to perish. Those are the breaks.

9. Kyler Murray: If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 30+ years on this earth it’s that undersized athletes are some of the most resourceful people on the planet. It’ll be bumpy but you’ll find a way through.

8. Nick Foles: Nick is here to talk to you after you’ve been bitten. He’ll sit by your side as you turn, keeping you at peace. He’s going to hesitate to kill you after you’re a zombie but hopefully, Aaron Rodgers is close enough to finish the job.

7. Patrick Mahomes: Listen, David killed Goliath with a stone and a slingshot. All Patrick needs is some rocks and you can kill anything in your path. The creek is 300 feet west, better go fill your satchel.

6. Eli Manning: Emotionless and always objective. The group will say he’s heartless but deep down they know he’s the best fit to lead. Eli won’t stop to help some person stuck in a building but his reasoning will make sense. With a splash of luck, you’ll be alright.

5. Colt McCoy: Believe it or not he’s been collecting NFL paychecks for ten years. If there’s anyone who can get by under the radar it’s Colt. You’ll find your way into a community but won’t play a major role in any form. The flip side is you’ll probably die first if something bad did happen to that community.

4. Russell Wilson: Think of an upgraded version of Murray. You’re going to survive and come out on top.

3. Dak Prescott: I can’t put my finger on it but I have a feeling Dak would just find a way to survive. It won’t be pretty but it beats being eaten alive. Also, his name is Rayne Dakota and that’s got to mean something, right?

2. Tom Brady: Brady isn’t going to do much to protect you out in the wild but he is definitely the guy that joins a group and sweet talks/manipulates his way into full control. Get in good with him and you’ll live like a king in due time. Cross him and you’ll be on the night shift wall duty schedule. That’s Big Ben’s shift and no one wants to be on that rotation.

1. Carson Wentz: Carson is what we’d like to call a hunter-gatherer. He spends the offseason training dogs and mastering his hunting skills. I’m also willing to bet he’d figure out how to make a shelter out of the fur from the animals you’re eating. He’s also pleasant to be around and that’s always nice. I can’t think of another person to be stuck with during the apocalypse. Do what he says and you’ll live. Simple as that.

Hit me @madad14

I don’t know who needs to hear this but wash your hands and stop standing so close to people.

As always, thanks for reading.

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