Ultimate Rookie Report Week 15

I just want to brag about my toddler for a brief second. He has been sick for the better part of a month because, you know, childcare. He wasn’t sick enough to actually get medicine, he just had to deal with a snotty nose, sneezes and a cough. Last week, it all came to a head with a fever. As he curled up with me on the couch, he kept asking for buckos. Buckos is his word for football, football players, or his toy football. We happily watched buckos all weekend until he started to feel better. It was hard to explain to him  tonight why there weren’t any more buckos to watch. Next week, buddy. It feels good to know I’m raising him right.

This was your last chance to make the playoffs. These rookies would have definitely helped you with their PPR points.

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5. Brian Thomas Jr (16.6)

In what I’ve heard analysts call “the worst game of the season,” Brian Thomas was targeted 12 times. He caught eight of those passes for 86 yards. Solid, but nothing fancy.

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4. Tyrone Tracy (19.3)

16 rushes for 45 yards and a touchdown, and 5/10 receiving for 38 yards The Giants are bad this year. There’s no way around it. However, they have two really good pieces on offense for the future. One is, of course, Malik Nabers. The other is Tyrone Tracy. Against the New Orleans Saints at home, Tracy ran for 45 yards and a touchdown, while also catching five passes for 38 yards. All the Giants need now is an offensive line and a quarterback and maybe they’ll have a functioning offense next year!

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3. Rome Odunze (20.2)

According to @TruMediaSports, the Chicago Bears got 4 yards in the first half of their game on Sunday, which is the lowest first half total in the millennium. I tried to find the worst ever and  it was shockingly hard to find, but fun fact: the worst performance of all time was the 1981 Bears with a total of 24 yards. In the game. Woof. At least they’re keeping the futility records within the family.

Rome Odunze caught 4 passes in the second half for 42 yards and two touchdowns. If the Bears ever play a full game, they might actually be okay.

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2. Jalen McMillan (21.9)

Jalen McMillan got more targets (seven) than Mike Evans (five) this week. This is unbelievable and unsustainable. He made the best of the targets, catching four of them for 59 yards and two touchdowns.

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1. Isaac Guerendo (26.8)

I’m starting to think that I could be a running back for the 49ers and be successful. With Christian McCaffrey and Jordan Mason both going to IR last week, Isaac Guerendo took over the San Francisco backfield. He totaled 78 yards rushing, 50 yards receiving, and two touchdowns… and most importantly, the top of the ultimate rookie report for week 15. 

Good luck in the playoffs. I will begrudgingly be watching from the sidelines this year hoping for a better season next year.

Love, 

@MeLlamoMoron

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