Why I Hate The Academy Awards

With the Golden Globes airing last week and the announcement of the nominees for the Academy Awards coming in this morning (or yesterday, or last week, depends on when Geoff gets around to posting this) we are in full swing of “awards season” a.k.a Hollywood jerking itself off for the next several months.  Seriously, why do people watch awards shows when the sole purpose of the show is for Hollywood’s elite to get together and pat each other on the back?  That’s what I want to see, a bunch of millionaires showing off their fame and fortune for four fucking hours.  So without further ado, please don’t take this completely seriously, I don’t mean it literally (unless I actually do), but here is Why I Hate The Academy Awards.

It’s All Elitists: Like I said above, this show is all about Hollywood jerking off and cumming all over the rest of us bums like we’re some two dollar prostitute in Thailand.  What, the millions of dollars the studios paid you and your backend from the gross wasn’t an award enough for you, you actually have to make up award shows just to continue lording over the rest of us common folk?  Fuck you Hollywood.  Also, why am I supposed to feel sorry for Leonardo DiCraprio (HA! See what I did there!  Take that Leo) because he has yet to win a gold-plated Ken doll?  Wow, I wonder how he sleeps at night, probably on a mattress filled with hundred-dollar bills and naked models to keep him warm.  Poor guy, I’d hate to have his life.

And while I’m at it, fuck you George Clooney.  That had nothing to with the previous paragraph, that guy is just a pompous dickbag.

The Major Awards are Bullshit: While I’m on the subject of Leo, he has deserved to win at least one of those fucking things for Best Actor but has yet to come away with one.  In fact, his best role, William from The Departed, wasn’t even fucking nominated.  The man has been in two Scorsese films but hasn’t won an Oscar?  Fucking seriously?  He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor way back in 1994 for What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, and he was excellent in that role, but you know why he didn’t win?  He broke the cardinal rule of acting, you never go full retard.  I had always thought that meant for that one role, but apparently if you go full retard you get black balled by the Academy.

On the flip side of deserving actors getting fucked over, let’s talk about a film that won more shit than they deserved.  I’m looking at you Titanic, you worthless piece of shit.  Not only did it win Best Picture, beating out Good Will Hunting and L.A. Confidential (which is a fucking crime) but James Cameron took home best director, which is bullshit because the acting in that movie sucked balls, and bad directing leads to bad acting.  Also, with Cameron winning all these awards for such a shitty, CGI heavy, crapfest for doing very little work, it inspired him to go the George Lucas route and value effects over story, acting, and originality.  That’s how we got Avatar folks, or Furn Gully meets Dancing with Wolves in space.  The worst part about all the awards Titanic won, the best part of that movie, Kathy Bates, she wasn’t even fucking nominated for Best Supporting Actress.

One last thing about the Academy snubs, Al Pachino, who could have won for either the first two Godfathers, Serpico, or a Dog Day Afternoon, lost in 74 to Art Carney, who was basically getting a Life Time Achievement Award, because that’s what the Academy does from time to time to honor older actors who probably won’t ever get nominated again.  Well after not winning for so long, Pachino finally got his Life Time Achievement  Best Actor Award, for Scent of a Woman, where he plays a blind man who yells “HooAH!” a lot, beating out Clint Eastwood for Unforgiven, Denzel Washington for Malcolm X, and holy fucking shit, Robert Downey Jr. as Charlie Chaplin.  Fucking seriously Academy?  Not only did you seriously fuck over RDJ, but because you finally decided to reward Pachino for a role he yells in, all he does now is yell.  He doesn’t act anymore he just fucking yells.  You fucked over Downey and you ruined Pachino because he thinks he has to yell all the time.  Fuck you academy, and George Clooney.

The Best Movies Never Win:  You know what the best picture of 2015 was?  It was fucking Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Will it win?  No, because it’s not nominated you idiot.  Why isn’t it nominated if it’s the best picture of 2015?  Because the Academy hates fun.  Event movies, no matter how good, never get nominated because the Academy looks down on the movie-going public, “oh, you like that movie, it made a lot of money and everyone loved it, fuck you it’s not getting nominated and we’re giving the stupid fucking statue to this piece of shit you’ve never heard of”.  I will say Mad Max did get nominated, but that’s only because they made more spots in the Best Picture category to include one film they’d never nominate to try to shut people like me up.  But I am the voice of the voiceless and I will not be silenced.  Mad Max has not a chance in hell of winning, in fact, the Academy was probably laughing when they announced it.  Somehow I feel this is George Clooney’s fault.

It’s Too Fucking Long:  There are awards for everything and the show goes on forever and they only air the big stars who always get the credit and fuck over the working man’s awards (most of which are done before the stars have even gotten to the red carpet).  Like I said this show is a complete and utter circle jerk for Hollywood’s Elite.

Also to save you time dear reader, because I care about you…sort of, I’ve already picked the big winners this year for the Oscars, you can click this link, right HERE to go over to my site and see into the future.  And since we’re a gambling site I already know you’re going to use this information to continue your degenerate behavior, so have fun.

So dear reader, that is Why I Hate The Academy Awards, you can disagree with me, but I’d like you to know you’re wrong and I hate you.  However, if you’d like to know more about me, and why wouldn’t you, you can follow me on the Twitter @jomac006 or learn about my awesome writing career here , pick up my books at Amazon, check out my nerdy website Clash of the Nerds, and lastly if you’re a fine lady you should swipe right on Tinder.

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