Is there anything more infuriating that watching a professional all-star game? Probably, but that’s none of my concern, I’m here to bitch about the NFL Pro Bowl, a game so far from actual pro football that I have no idea why television even bothers to air it. Before I begin I’d like to wish a very special birthday to someone very close to my heart, ME! So happy birthday to me, what did you all get me? But without further ado, don’t take this completely seriously, I don’t mean completely literally (except when I do), but here is why I Hate The Pro Bowl.
Snubs: Every year players get snubbed from the Pro Bowl, it’s a fact of life, but most of the time it’s pretty ridiculous, Pro Football Focus has a nice article about snubs using their complex and confusion rating system, but then when you look at the QBs and their replacements (2016 has the most replacements of any Pro Bowl) and I’m like, “where the fuck is Kirk Cousins?”. Here are your QBs:
Jameis Winston (Buccaneers) — Replaces Tom Brady (Patriots)
Tyrod Taylor (Bills) — Replaces Cam Newton (Panthers)
Teddy Bridgewater (Vikings) — Replaces Carson Palmer (Cardinals)
Derek Carr (Raiders) — Replaces Aaron Rodgers (Packers)
Eli Manning (Giants) — Replaces Ben Roethlisberger (Steelers)
Russell Wilson, (Seahawks)
As far as Big Ben, Palmer, Newton and Brady I’m fine with them being elected over Cousins I’m fine with. They all had great seasons and led their teams deep into the playoffs, and Manning and Wilson were close to Cousins so it’s a flip of the coin (though Cousins had a better completion percentage over them and a better overall rating over Manning. However, Taylor, Winston, Carr, Bridgewater, and Rodgers were not even in Cousins’ league this year.
Of these remaining guys Cousins had more completions, better completion percentage, more yards, better yards per pass average, better yards per game average, and a better passer rating, and have more TDs than all but 2, and less INTs than all but 3. The fact that Aaron Rodgers is a Pro Bowler and not even a replacement is insulting to most of the QBs on this list. The Pro Bowl is a joke.
Mass Dropouts: There is a total of 188 Pro Bowlers this year because of all the dropouts. Some have been due to injury and some are because players just want to continue their offseasons. Back in the day, it was an honor for players to get elected and since they didn’t get paid shit, a free trip to Hawaii was a nice incentive, plus the bonus check. Now these guys make so much, the free trip and bonus check is more a hassle to them since they have more than enough money to take their families on a really nice vacation, one where they don’t have to “work” while there.
More or Less Touch Football: Corners can’t press coverage, you can’t even look at the quarterback if you play defense, there is no blitzing, and defensive linemen have to count 10 Mississippi before rushing. Some of those may or may not be true. Even without those rules, players don’t want to get hurt in a game more meaningless than the preseason (and I don’t blame them) so they’re not really out there trying.
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The only time in the last 15 years that I can remember any player actually playing football was Sean Taylor murdering punter Brian Morman on a fake punt. Sean Taylor had no idea what an “exhibition” was when he strapped on the pads every game meant something. Also, if I was Brian Morman I’d fucking kill whoever called that play.
Drafting the Teams: You know what’s dumber than AFC vs NFC? Having washed up WRs who are terrible gameday commentators picking the teams. It’s dumb and no one cares, at least with AFC vs NFC there was a sort of kind of battle for Supremacy of the two leagues, which is better. With this “picking of teams,” it just continues the look of a glorified pick-up game, plus the uniforms are hideous. I miss the old Red White and Blue Uniforms. But have these has-beens pick the teams and coach them is a joke, and makes this boring game look even more like a sideshow and a joke.
No One Cares: Let me repeat that, NO ONE FUCKING CARES, seriously the whole reason they went to the “pick’em” for the teams was to boost ratings and fan interest. It worked for one year (not on me, I’m not an idiot), but again the luster has worn off and we’re back to no one caring. I’m sure you saying right now (because you talk to yourself and are a crazy person) “well what would you do to fix it?” I would cancel the game altogether. Name an All-Pro team every year and give those guys a bonus and what the hell a free trip to Hawaii. But honestly we don’t need a game, be it the week before or after the Super Bowl, we don’t care. We care about the Super Bowl and that’s it, we want a real game with real meaning.
In fact instead of an NFL All-Star game, one thing I’d like them to bring back is to have the College All-Stars take on the Super Bowl Champs. They used to do that way back in the day and that sounds awesome. You have one side (the college kids) giving it their all trying to win, and then you have the other side just trying not to get hurt, it would be great.
So that is why I Hate The Pro Bowl (also because it’s no NHL All-Star Game) you can disagree with me, but I’d like you to know you’re wrong and I hate you. However, if you’d like to know more about me, and why wouldn’t you, you can follow me on the Twitter (as well as wish me a happy birthday) @jomac006 or learn about my awesome writing career here , pick up my books at Amazon, check out my nerdy website Clash of the Nerds, and lastly if you’re a fine lady you should swipe right on Tinder.
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