Happy day after Labor Day dear reader (or two days after, depends on when Geoff get’s off his lazy ass to edit this), I hope you had a lovely long weekend. Mine was, for the most part, was relaxing except for having to grab a couple of last-minute back-to-school items. Labor Day also brings us the last weekend without real NFL football. And even though the NFL has not let us rest since the Super Bowl (holy fuck this league is like that friend who won’t go home after the party is over), it is ready to assault us straight in the face. Part of that assault is Thursday Night Football. So in the words of Keith Olbermann, “don’t take this completely literally, I’m not completely serious” but here is why I Hate Thursday Night Football.
Phil Simms: Holy fuck do I hate Phil Simms, his voice, his analysis and just everything about this prick. One thing that’s nice about cheering for a shitty NFC team is that I almost never have to watch a Phil Simms commentated game, except on Thursday Nights. If I choose to watch (or more than likely if I remember) I have to listen to this dip shit, overrated QB (every Giant QB to win a Super Bowl is an overrated piece of shit that was carried by a great defense, fuck you Eli) speak on and on. Fuck I hate this guy. Also he ruined Madden for me. I used to wish for EA to get rid of Chris Collinsworth, what do they say, “be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” Well I did so fuck me , and fuck Phil Simms’s stupid fucking face.
I Forget About It: I almost always forget there is Thursday Night Football, even when my team is on. I’ll be putzing around in my house getting dinner ready and then I’ll get a text or see a Tweet “Holy shit did you see that play?” And then I’ll realize, fuck, football is on. Isn’t Sunday and Monday enough?
Fucks UP Your Fantasy Team: Every week there is someone who forgets to plug-in a player who is playing on Thursday Night and that always fucks over their team. Friday morning we’ll all see on the message boards, “Fuck I forgot that X player had a Thursday night game and I didn’t plug him into my line up and he went off.” For a league who is unofficially pushing gambling on society doesn’t take into consideration Fantasy Football players.
Player Health: NFL Players used to get a week off or at the very least 6 days off between games. But now if you have a Thursday game you only have 3 days off. Players are pretty much injured the entire season. The beating these men take during a game lasts an entire year, forcing them to play 3 days after taking this beating is barbaric, especially since the league has been focusing on “player safety” you’d think they’d want to give these guys a full week, but no, money is more important. And let’s face it, the NFL is big business and they’ve probably done a cost-benefits analysis on Thursday Night Games, and that is they’ll make way more money broadcasting these games then they’ll potentially lose once players from this generation start suing, like the ones from yester-year about concussions. The NFL doesn’t give two shits about player safety, they care about money and even if players start dropping like flies (and holy shit did it seem like they were during preseason) there is an endless stream of men who want to play in the NFL and everyone is replaceable, even you Tom Brady, fuck you and the courts, you’re a cheater and your rings are fraudulent, and you made me cheer for Eli Manning twice.
Fucking Up My Thursday: On a personal note, Thursday nights are my friends’ and I’s weekly happy hour. After work we all gather at our favorite bar, have a few drinks with dinner and just have a nice time. Thursday Night football fucks this up royally. Usually the bar is fairly quiet on a Thursday (which is why we picked that night) so we don’t have long waits for our drinks, our food comes out quicker, and we can hear each other. Once football season rolls around this all gets fucked up. Not only do we wait longer, and it’s louder, but you have a shit ton of drunks just carrying on and being drunk. Football fans are the worst people in the world. Seriously they are. They drink too much, they cuss (pot calling I know) and every single fucking one of them thinks he’s Mr. Tough-Guy and will fuck you up if you say anything about his team (this is mostly Steeler fans, by far the NFL’s worst fans). All these reasons are why I try to avoid watching football in public. I live in DC so it’s easy watching the Redskins from home, but if I didn’t live in their viewing area I’d pony up the dough for the Sunday Ticket, that $250 is well worth the price of not having to breathe the same air as the mouth breathing masses that pack bars every Sunday. So Rodger Goodell, fuck you very much for ruining my Thursday ritual. I hope you are anally raped for all eternity in hell you son of a bitch. I know right now you’re probably saying “well why don’t you pick a different night?” Well why should we when Thursday Night Football is the one that sucks.
The Games are Unwatchable: With so little time for coaches to game plan Thursday night games are like watching football follies. The score is almost completely lopsided, the games are very uncompetitive, and you have Phil Simms calling them. The is a recipe for shit. If this was regular programming no one would watch this train wreak, but because it’s the NFL the masses tune if for this shit forgetting the fact that most High School, D-3 College, and Canadian Football games are better than this shit. Thursday Night Games should be banned for this fact alone.
So there you have it, the reasons Why I Hate Thursday Night Football, you can disagree with me all you want but I want you to know that you’re wrong and I hate you. However, if you’d like to know more about me, and why wouldn’t you, you can follow me on the Twitter @jomac006 or learn about my awesome writing career here , pick up my books at Amazon, check out my nerdy website Clash of the Nerds, and lastly if you’re a fine lady you should swipe right on Tinder.
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