The ESPY’s have come and gone. A night where sports greatest athletes are honored. Here, at goingfor2, we decided to host our own award show.
Without further ado, welcome to the first annual Conversion Awards. Here we honor some of the greatest sports stars in the world. Let’s meet our host for the evening, JOHNNY MANZ…..Papi LeBatard?
“Ah si, si. Welcome to the conversion awards. Johnny Manziel couldn’t be here tonight because he’s too busy emulating Tony Montana. Tonight we are here to celebrate awards that most of you have never and won’t hear about again until next year. I have to go to bed in 20 minutes so let’s stop wasting time. Our first award of the night is It’s Lit. The nominees are….”
It’s Lit! (Most Likely to Create a Highlight)
- Lionel Messi, FC Barcelona
- Odell Beckham Jr., New York Giants
- Steph Curry, Golden State Warriors
- Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals
“And the winner is…..Odell Beckham Jr. aka the Golden Dome aka Pretty Ricky aka Let Your Soul Glow. Beckham could not be her tonight due to a Demi Lavoato concert so we’ll just have Eli throw it inaccurately at him during training camp. Next up is the Fantasy GAWD. That used to be me until I moved to Miami and saw real athletes.”
Fantasy GAWD (Best Fantasy Player)
- Todd Gurley, Los Angeles Rams
- Kevin Durant, Golden State Warriors
- Mike Trout, Los Angeles Angels
- Alex Ovechkin, Washington Capitals
- Rob Gronkowski, New England Patriots
“And the winner is……the worst dancer I’ve ever seen other than myself. Rob Gronkowski! That man has as much rhythm as a one legged T-Rex during winter. Now let’s get into the Bill Simmons award. I miss that guy, SIKE!”
The Bill Simmons Award (Biggest Homer)
- Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks
- Ryan Howard, Philadelphia Phillies
- Larry Fitzgerald, Arizona Cardinals
- Patrik Eliáš, New Jersey Devils
“Why is this even a category? I mean do we really care about someone who stayed in one city? No, I thought so. But since I’m getting paid I have to open the envelope. Dirk Nowitzki…joy now who wants to fight? The Sloberknocker is up next.”
The Sloberknocker (Athlete You Don’t Want to Fight)
- Metta World Peace, Los Angeles Lakers
- Ndamukong Suh, Miami Dolphins
- Rougned Odor, Texas Rangers
- John Scott, Montreal Canadiens
- Brock Lesnar, MMA Fighter
“I know one thing if any of these mother***** wanted to fight I’d kick their a** all over the place. I can also say because none of these people are here tonight. The award goes to Metta World Peace. The man who fought the entire city of Detroit and lived to tell the story.”
“I want to take this time and thank my son, Dan, for giving me the opportunity to be on his show. Bacon lips is a great son. With that, let’s talk about the person who’s most likely to win a hot dog eating contest.”
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Most Likely To Win a Hot Dog Eating Contest
- Vince Wilfork, Houston Texans
- Michael Phelps, Olympic Swimmer
- Pablo Sandoval, Boston Red Sox
- Shaq, Retired NBA Player
- Roy Hibbert, Charlotte Hornets
“This one is easy. Roy Hibbert is so fat that Xbox controllers die when he’s highlighted in 2K. He can’t jump over a sheet of paper. With that the real winner is….Michael Phelps? Who voted for this, Ryan Lochte? That was awful, I hope the JPP award has a better handle.”
JPP Award (Most Likely to Ruin Their Career Doing Something Stupid)
- Nick Young, Los Angeles Lakers
- DeSean Jackson, Washington
- Matt Harvey, New York Mets
- Jon Jones, MMA Fighter
“I don’t have to open the envelope to see who “won” this category. They’re all losers. Now it’s time to see which one of you will most likely go to the hospital for imitating something they could never do.”
Hold My Beer (Highlight You’d Most Likely Recreate)
“The winner is…the first unanimous MVP to disappear in two finals appearances. Chef Curry! Speaking of chefing let’s get into the last award of the night and reward the best roaster.”
The Roaster (Best Twitter Troll)
- Damien Lillard, Portland Trailblazers
- Los Angeles Kings
- CM Punk, MMA Fighter
- Brett Anderson, Los Angeles Dodgers
- Joel Embiid, Philadelphia 76ers.
“The winner is the one and only Dame Dolla. You know, I can spit bars as well. Thank you for attending, see you next year!”
[wysija_form id=”1″]ATTN Dynasty Commissioners: Do you want to do something cool for your league? How about a 1-hour live show dedicated to YOUR league? Team-by-team breakdowns, rankings, and more. For details and to book a show, visit: GoingFor2.com/plp.
