Every league has them. Some leagues have more than one. Sometimes one owner can be more than one type at the same time. There are more than 15 types, but these are…
The Top 15 Worst Fantasy Team Owners
15. The Kicker
Every league has this guy. The guy that takes his kicker in the 8th round. It’s not that we really hate him because that’s one less WR or RB off the board, but it’s the shit grin he has when he makes the pick like he just landed Antonio Brown in the 6th round.
Dude, it’s a kicker!
14. The Mime
The Mime is hard to hate outwardly, because let’s face it, even if you said something to him, he isn’t going to respond anyway.
He doesn’t talk during the draft. He never posts anything on the message boards. When you send him a trade offer, he will either accept or decline, but has no comment whatsoever, despite your witty, well thought out quip that you sent along with the trade offer.
Not. One. Word.
He might as well be a computer controlled team for the amount of interaction you get from him. So while I may not hate him outwardly, internally I loathe this guy.
13. The Hoarder
Ugh. This guy is the worst. Somehow he will end up with three stud QBs (who drafts three QBs anyway?) and as fate would have it, you lose your starting QB in Week 6, and no matter who you offer him, he just won’t budge.
He always over values his players or he thinks you have some inside information that he doesn’t have and you are trying to rip him off. If his hoarding disease is really bad, he might even draft the same players every year, or at least attempt too. Half the fun of fantasy football is trading, and this guy sucks the life out of that.
12. The Loudmouth
The opposite of the Mime, this guy won’t shut up. He talks the entire draft about how good his team is. Says things like, “I can’t believe you guys let him slip to the 6th round!” or “Just hand me your money now, because my team is amazing”.
He fills the message board with ramblings about his team and the moves he is making, almost like his entire fantasy team has a commentator. His messages look like this;
“Man, did ya’ll see that. I was down 30 points going into the Monday night game, and my WR had a catch in the third quarter, and I was only down 5. But then he didn’t do anything the rest of the game, but my kicker missed a 50 yarder that would have tied it…. blah blah blah.”
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11. The Homer
The guy that loads up with players from his favorite team. His fantasy team name is usually completely unoriginal like, “Pittsburg Steelers” or “The Redskins”. He’ll have his teams kicker, their defense, probably their QB, one or two “sleepers”, their top WR or RB, and their top offensive rookie.
He drafts all these guys at least a round or two early, and anytime someone drafts one of the players from his team he either says, “He is going to have a big year, you watch” or “Man, that was my next pick.”
10. The “If” Guy
Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
“If I had just started Jay Cutler over Aaron Rodgers (as if someone would really have pondered that before Sunday), played Rueben Randle in my flex instead of DeSean Jackson, and if my defense didn’t give up that junk time TD, I would beat you, and had the highest point total for the week. FML”
Yeah, and if you spent more time doing actual research instead of figuring out what you could have done to beat me, maybe your team would actually be good.
9. The Swindler
“I’ll give you Charles Sims, CJ Spiller, and Cecil Shorts for Odell Beckham Jr. Three guys for one! That’s a steal. Accept it before I change my mind!”
Yeah. That guy. He sucks.
8. The Al Bundy
The Al Bundy is that guy that lives in the past. Always talking about the one year his team was good, he holds on to those memories every season and reminds everyone how good his team was every chance he gets. He sounds something like this;
“Remember 4 years ago when I had Aaron Rodgers and he threw four TDs in the Championship game, and I also had Adrian Peterson run for 200 yards and a TD and I won by like 50 points?”
How could I forget, you tell me the same story every year, only last year it was 3 TDs for Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson had 150 yards.
7. The “You Stole My Pick” Guy
Every fantasy draft has this guy, where every pick that gets made is followed by, “Damn it, you stole my pick.” Like this guy was going to literally draft every good/decent player in the NFL for his team.
He says this about enough players in the draft that one of them is bound to have a great season so that mid-season he can remind everyone that you stole his pick, and he should be winning the league, not you.
6. The Sleeper
This guy is hilarious. He thinks that no one else but him has done any research all off-season, and before every pick of his he screams out, “Sleeper Pick!”
He also tends to overuse the word sleeper when referring to players. He pretty much refers to every pick made after the second round as a “sleeper”. He finishes near the bottom every year because instead of taking the conventional pick, he often takes the high risk/high reward guy and only hits on one or two — of course, you will hear about those one or two players at every draft in the years following.
“Remember that year I had Josh Gordon as my sleeper?”
Yeah, great pick, and you still missed the playoffs…
5. The “In My Other League” Guy
This guy almost took the No. 1 spot. Man, I hate this guy. Every league has that one guy that always has a bottom feeder team, but brags about “his other league” that no one in your league has ever seen or been invited to play in. In fact, there is no proof that this other league even exists, but he likes to tell you how many times he has won the league (and it gets more exaggerated every year) and how great his team is this year.
By mid-season when his team in your league is 2–6, he’ll bring up his “other league” where he is supposedly in first place.
4. The “Use the Entire Clock” Guy
This guy needs no intro. We all know who he is. No matter what the draft clock is set to in your league, he takes every last second to make his pick, and he inexplicably ends up with either the first or last overall pick and takes up the entire clock for all his back to back picks. This guy is the worst.. except he isn’t. There are three that are worse than him…
3. The Protester
This guy claims every trade and every league decision is unfair or lopsided. You can’t make any trade whatsoever without this guy protesting it. The only time you don’t hear a peep from him is when the move somehow benefits him.
By the end of the season, everyone pretty much hates this guy.
2. The “Bye Week” Guy
These last two are the worst of all because they actually affect the competitive balance of the league. Up to this point, all these guys have just been a nuisance or downright annoying, but they ultimately manage their teams somewhat respectfully.
The “Bye Week” guy is the fantasy owner that forgets to change his players when they are on a bye week, which results in an easy victory for the opposing team. Of course, that easy win will probably go to the guy that sneaks into the playoffs and leaves you on the outside looking in.
“Damn you ‘Bye Week’ Guy!”
1. The Quitter
The No. 1 worst fantasy team owner and it’s not even close. The Quitter. He starts the season 1–4, and that’s it. He is done. He doesn’t check his team the rest of the year, giving all his opponents cupcake victories, or the commissioner ends up taking over the team himself — which is a complete pain in the ass, believe me, I’ve had to do it before.
This type of owner is the bane of fantasy sports and should never be allowed to play again.
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing. If your league doesn’t have one of these top 15 guys, then it’s probably you…
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