I’m Out On These Fantasy Players, My Dunzo List 2023

If you are unfamiliar with the term “dunzo”, may I please direct you to one of the greatest television shows of all time – Parks and Recreation. Of the literally one million quotable moments from the show, one always stands out to me at the end of every season.

It’s when Tom Haverford (played wonderfully by Aziz Ansari) tells everybody in the office that if they do not show up to the party that his bar is throwing, they will be on his “dunzo” list. In the show, obviously, it means that they will no longer be friends, but I use it to make a list of players that I won’t have anything to do with moving forward.

A couple of these are obvious because of their ages, a few are situational reasons, and one is just sad and I did not want to put him on this list. Without further ado (apologies for the cliché), here’s my own personal “dunzo” list.

Cordarelle Patterson

What a strange career for Cordarelle Patterson. Mostly used as a special teams guy since he was drafted in 2013, bounced around to four different teams over 8 seasons before landing with the Atlanta Falcons and Coach Arthur Smith puts him in the backfield where he becomes an RB/WR. In 2021, he posted just over 600 rushing yards and 6 touchdowns and coupled that with just under 600 receiving yards and 5 touchdowns.

In 2022, he had 8 touchdowns and almost 750 total yards from scrimmage despite being hurt for a good chunk of the season. It was so great to see him do so well over the last couple of years, but I believe that it’s the end of his run. He will be 32 in the 2023 season and even if the Falcons had not just drafted a generational talent, I believe even Tyler Algier would have overtaken his spot. He had an interesting career and I’m glad he made the most of at the end. Not to mention he’s a 4x Pro Bowler and he has won a Super Bowl.

But it’s Bijan time, baby. Drafted by the Falcons at the 8 spot, I can already taste Offensive Rookie of the Year. The Falcons had a 1000-yard rusher last season in Tyler Algier, despite him splitting time with Cordarrelle Patterson and Caleb Huntly. And Bijan is much, much better than Algier (no shade). So Coach Arthur Smith, who previously held the head coaching position of the Tennessee Titans and had Derrick Henry carrying the ball almost 300 times a year, has his new superstar 3-down running back to run his offense through.

Kareem Hunt

I believe wholeheartedly that if the Browns had traded Kareem Hunt away before the trade deadline last year, he could have been good for two to three more seasons. But for some reason, that trade was never made and it sealed Hunt’s fate for good. Before we say goodbye, we must remember how freaking good Kareem Hunt was with the Chiefs when he was a young lad.

He was only there for two seasons before he had off-the-field issues and was promptly released, Kareem Hunt racked up nearly 3000 scrimmage yards and 25 touchdowns, playing only 27 games. When he was picked up by the Browns, he made the most of his time splitting carries with Nick Chubb, and when Chubb went down from injuries, Hunt would ascend to a top-10 running back each week Chubb was out. His best option for production is to go somewhere else, but if he signs with the Browns again, I think he sadly gets buried.

Zach Ertz

The Cardinals understood that Zach Ertz was about to fizz out last year, that’s why they drafted Trey McBride. And if you watch Ertz play now, you’re not getting the full effect of what Ertz was – you’re watching the shell of a terrific difference-maker and athlete hobble up and down the field (when he’s on the field).

A 3-time Pro Bowler with the Eagles, Ertz was a top target for Carson Wentz during that stretch and one of the most reliable tight ends in the game. With his peak in 2018, when he had 116 receptions, 1163 yards and 8 touchdowns, averaging 73 yards a game. Of those 116 receptions, 66 of them were for first downs. He was the epitome of a safety valve.

Allen Robinson

Allen Robinson is simultaneously a guy who never had a chance, did the most with his chance and has also had a pretty great career. It’s also strange, because, up until last year, I was under the assumption that Allen Robinson had been in the league since the early 2000s. This was very incorrect because Allen Robinson is only 29 years old, which is the same age as Cooper Kupp, Stefon Diggs, and Mike Evans (who all very much still produce).

I said Robinson never had a chance because these have been his quarterbacks since he got into the league – Blake Bortles, Mitchell Trubisky, Nick Foles, Rookie-Year Justin Fields, and a crippled Matthew Stafford. With those guys, though, Robinson was consistently great, putting up a 1400-yard/14-touchdown season in 2015, an 1147-yard season, and a 1250-yard season with the Bears in 2019 and 2020 respectively.

Now he’s with the Steelers and he’s like fourth on the depth chart, buried beneath younger guys and this will probably be the last season that we talk about Robinson. This is sad because he was one of the most underrated receivers in the game, and if he could have ever gotten hooked up with a good QB and a good system, he could have been something really special.

Michael Thomas

I’m not sure if there is anybody out there that still believes that Michael Thomas can produce in the NFL, right now. But I know that as soon as people are mock drafting for their redraft leagues, people are going to start blabbing about how Michael Thomas is still in New Orleans, and he’s with a new quarterback, and he doesn’t have to be the full focus since Chris Olave is there. No. Stop it. We’ve all been hurt too much by Michael Thomas getting hurt too much.

Injury prone is a lame label to put on somebody (and it’s mostly used incorrectly), but Michael Thomas is injury prone. He was good last year in the three games he played. Before that, he hadn’t played football for almost two years, and he has not been relevant since Drew Brees was throwing to him. He’s a big name with no production to back it up. But this man was (not is, remember) elite.

In 2019, his last year of any production whatsoever, he caught 149 passes for 1725 yards and 9 touchdowns. That’s just crazy. But that was his cliff, and he fell off hard, and I predict this is the last season we hear anything about this once-young stud.

Carson Wentz

To be completely honest and transparent, I am a Colts fan. So I am not as sad to talk about the end of Carson Wentz as I have been for the others. I don’t hate Carson Wentz. I think he’s a nice guy. But, as a quarterback, I think he’s run his course. He had some good years with the Eagles, and won a Super Bowl even (although he was hurt and Nick Foles beat Tom Brady), but he’s always had this curse with him that comes from a good place. His curse is turnovers.

And, if you watch him as I did when he was with Indy, you watch him do things like almost getting sacked but trying to keep the play alive so he throws the ball left-handed-and-falling-down even though there aren’t any offensive players around him and the defense gets a pick-six because of his ridiculous need to try to get a play going when the best move is to let the play die and make something happen with the next one.

I just have to say, too, that when he was with the Colts, he was actually okay. He didn’t have that many interceptions, and I thought the Colts were making the playoffs. But then, as we needed to win the final four games, Wentz turned the ball over more times than he had all season and the Colts missed out on the playoffs. Still makes me mad.

P.S., here’s a link to a GoingFor2 Article about our New & Amazing Quarterback, Anthony Richardson.

James Robinson

I’m just here to say that what has and will happen to James Robinson is utter crap, and I hate that he’s on this list. He began his short career as an undrafted free agent with the Jaguars. As a rookie, an undrafted free agent, and only starting 14 games, Robinson rushed for over 1000 yards and had 7 rushing touchdowns and 3 receiving touchdowns.

The next year, Urban Meyer came into town, the Jags signed Travis Etienne, and Robinson was thrown to the wayside despite putting up stellar numbers. But, Etienne suffered a season-ending injury before the season even started, and James Robinson came through again. Averaging only 12 carries per game that stupid year, he had almost 800 yards and 8 touchdowns. Sadly, he tore his ACL at the end of that year and we all thought that was the end of a terrific story. But in 2022, with Urban Meyer gone, Robinson came back, split carries with Travis Etienne for the first few games, and it was clear what was going to happen. Etienne was who they wanted, not Robinson.

He was promptly traded to the Jets after seven games, but couldn’t take the role from Michael Carter, who was filling in for superstar Breece Hall because of an ACL tear. Now he’s in running-back purgatory aka New England. And maybe not everybody will remember him, but I will. Because he might catch a pass here or there this season, and might even grab a late touchdown in a blowout game, but James Robinson will fade into existence, chewed up and spit out by the big machine, and I will be there with a big salute when he does. Because he deserved better than what he got. Justice for James Robinson

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